Heaven's Last Hope
by kindakukukat
Summary: The ultimate battle between good and evil comes to a head in this short epic poem, which is actually a series of semi-epic haikus. Be warned EPIC PLOT TWIST.
1. The Magical Destined Meeting of True Lov

Soooooooo I lik totly made this fic of mai favorite otp eveuuur see im not a very gud righter but all mai frriends told me that this was lik totly good so ii thout i shud sharit.

It was late one saturday nite and Delaney was low on gas. She was driving her car around trying to get a breather when she stopped at a race trac so she could fill up on has because she was running out of gas and the song everybody talks by neon trees was playing. She was blasting the song like a boss. She got out of her cat. She took out her moeny. She put the gas thingy or whatever in her car. And she waited. Meanwhile the song everybody talks was playing. ANd that was when he came out og the racetrac that she was at to get gas. (Oh yeah he had garbage cus he was the garbage guy at the race trac I forgot to put that in yeah.)

He was glowing in the light of the stretlights and the neon sign above. He was like an magnetic angle, her eyes just gravitated towards him unabe to teer themseves away from his majestic body. SHe could see his taut muscles thru his tight racetrac uniform. He was glowing in the light of the stretlights and the neon sign above. He was like an magnetic angle, her eyes just gravitated towards him unabe to teer themseves away from his majestic body. SHe could se his taut muscles thru his tight racetrac uniform. She knew that the read strain of fat connected them together forver. My beautiful agel, is that the rightious chords of the trees of neon that hear coming trough the sound systems of my heart? said the hot dude.

Delaney: Why yes kind sir, it is indeea]d the music of neon trees in the firmat of the song everybody alk. Its like my favorite. hot dude: me too my angelou woh like totes were are meant to be forevur he said as caressing my face and neck and shoulder.

The heavees above pened up in a gloriious chouris as the two sang together in harmonious harmony that for a moment bought world eace to the world and even made chuck norris shed a tear.

hto dud: My gloriius anle i trylu feel for u hiwvever i must be gone, y brek is almust over. he said while shedding one tear the size of a grapefruit. it landed crashing throught h ground and the noise of that sorrowful tear still echos through my hrt tody.

Deeeeeeeeee:As must i kind sir knight garbage biy man for my mother expects me to be home so that i may do all the xhores and be soley resonsibe for my famliy's wellbeing as I am a responsible adult and yet also rebel as I am an indivual with my own opionions also im like super hot and perfect and have godlike powers that allow e t go do whatever i want bcause im the daugter of a angle and devil and god and vampire and werewolf and fairy and king and queen and peasent and alien and myself-

he cut her off. hot dude: woew like your so responsibl and shit and so cool like i could nevr leve such a hot comoner lik you tbt i aftually am the son of some suprrichdud and even though i ewl be shune for thi, i luv you baby like totes lets get uried and have bbies togethur

Dee: if ur so rich why are u the garbage boy at a racetrac?.

hto dud: yo so i just wanted to discovr myself, i know my name not my stoy and i ned to find myself trash that out in me gurl. Also I'm a supr secret gent and my identy must be hidden lest the zombi nazi communist terrorists from mars wil find me and kill all y loed ones. but i have none because i am a loenly loner emo lonerly who doesnt need evanyone because i have a dark past that i dont want to talk about… ok so once when i was two i was playing rite but them there was this mean guy and came and broek my leg and and my ribs and my heart and he died (i was in luuuuv with him) and then i gor taken by the naz monkey terorist comunits form mars and turned into a super kickboxing but supa hot fighting machine that kiil s everyone and im an assassassassasssassassass ass ansin too and thas wat happened…. BUT YOU HAVE CHANGED ME AFOR OW I LUOVE YOU AND CAN NEVER BE SERYUATED FROM YOU AGAIN. (thats cuz we are now symbiotic parasites)

Dee:Yeah okay buy.

ht guy:seeyoulater.*sighs* (satrts singin) my life is so hard but bby you raise me up so i canwalkon mountaifns you raise me up to walk on stormy seas i am strong when i am on your shoulders you rise me up to more tan i can be.

THEN hot dud got shot by th monkey nazi terrorist communtst form ars cuz hes an idiot.

If you made it this far I applaud you and I also hope you realize this was not intended to be serious or intelligble.

Hope you enjoyed it Delaney.


	2. The Destruction of Yale And Harvard

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a magical dragon of impeccable knowledge of fashion. His scales had the glossiness of a newly waxed super model and his fire breath had the billowiness of Sherlock's designer coat. His name was Sir Majestically Pantsonfire Eskimobob XIV of Ireland Marquise and he had only one mission in life: to be the best pokemon master he could be. But Sir Majestically Pantsonfire Eskimobob XIIV of Ireland Marquise had a secret. He…

Was a wizard!

Sir Majestically Patsonfire Eskimobob XIIIV had known this since he got his acceptance letter to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and was the first dragon to ever complete all seven years without killing someone. He also set all the school records for the swim and diving team, he even qualified for the olympics before he realized he couldn't go… because he wasn't fond of the food in Sochi. Plus, they were building makeshift hotels for humans (and dragons alike), but he had always preferred the comfort of a bouncy castle. When Sir Majestically Pantsonfire Eskimobob XIIIIV graduated he was accepted into Harvard Business School on the grounds that he stop by Yale on his way to the campus and burn it to the ground. However right as he was about to burn Yale to the ground, he saw a beautiful, stunning tree.

It was love at first sight!

He approached the tree cautiously, nervously fidgeting as he tried to summon the courage to say hello. He was just so shy, the when he finally got the guts to try and talk to it he could only squeak slightly. Becoming incredibly flustered, he finally stared the tree down and said in his loudest, deepest voice.

"Hey baby, wassup?"

Then he sneezed and set the tree on fire.

As he watched his one true love burn in complete and utter and solid and total devastation and horror, he felt tears well up in his eyes. His tears rained down on the tree, showering it with his sorrow. Unfortunately Sir Majestically Pantsonfire Eskimobob XIIIIIV's tears were also extremely huge and made of purple fire, so while setting Yale on fire, it flooded ablaze from its cozy spot in Connecticut into the Atlantic Ocean.

Sir Majecstically Pantsonfire Eskimobob XIIIIIIIV was so heartbroken that he flew all the way back home to Michigan and cried himself to sleep. He cancelled his subscription to Harvard, because he accidentally burnt them down too on the flight home. With Harvard and Yale out of the picture, Brown and Cornell and other IVY leagues flooded with new attendees and reclaimed the top two spots in the American College World. Sir Majestically Pantsonfire Eskimobob XIIIIIIIV got a call. Answering his Nokia phone as it beeped cheerily.

"Ollo?" He asked as he flipped his magenta silk scarf over his shoulder.

Deeeeeee: yeeeuhhhhhh hiiii-iiiiiiiiiii. I hurde youplanneded wedddinggnds and I needl ike a weddddddding planner bcuz im loike tots gettin hitched to bmy soulmate gY with whom imma get marrued cuz we met and fell in love and tlike totlallylylylyl; lurve eachotterr..

"Wha? I'm planning a wedddinnggnds for a pair of otter soulmates?" He asked, scratched his huge boil on his forehead.

DEe: ya tots u no tHats da new fad, gettin hitched at 17 2 da gY i mee2 dAs ag

Sir Majestically Pantsonfire Eskimobob XIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIV smiled smileylike and said, "I'LL DO IT!"

dee: tank u dragn frend, u ashsum nw jus lemme go tak to mai buutiful gruuum and- OOIEW($UP: NOOOOOO! HES DEAD DEAD DEA DDEAD EADEADEADAEDAEDAEDAEADEADAEDAEDAEADEADAEDAEDAEDAEDED DEAD! he wnt 2 yale and aprntly buned & ded n da atl ocin :( his bdy ws fund on da bech dis mrnin :(((((

THEN DEeee][dee fafaintewd an$d the phone feelll int he pot of noooooooodles she was makin for her beloved love whom she loved to the point of loving to marriage because she loved him and wanted to make a commitment because they were connected by the read strain of fat/.

Sir Majestically Pantsonfire Eskimobob XIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIV startred to cry, but then stopped when he realized that he could possibly flood his own home, which he loved way more than Yale or that dumb girl loved her dead boyfriend. He loved it so much, that after watching the remake Harry Potter movies, he used the spells he learned from the movie to put a protection spell around his humble abode.

However, he forgot to stock up on food and accidentally trapped himself inside so he starved to death. In his will he wrote

"_To DeeeeEEEee{eeeE[[e]Eeeoejieeeeee ,_

_I am sorry that I inadvertently killed your bootifu; boyrfeinf for I am much of the sorry in the way that I did not mean to kill him accidentally on purpose accident as I believe everyone in the world deserves a fair chance to commit suicide, and its just not fair to be deprive d of theat oppurtunity just because someone else killed you. I believe in the American dream, so I donate my dead carcass to you so that you can cook and eat mey brilliant flesh and not starve and have the ability to commit suicide whenever you please._

_Live On. Take care, old sport._

_Sincerely,_

_Sir Majestically Pantsonfire Eskimobob XV_

_a.k.a your boyfriend's murderer by default_

_P.S. I may be sorry fr killin. ur boyfran but I will never regret watching the university of Yale float away in the tears of my sorrows for watching toddlers in tiaras… and also my own love of my life that had been recently inadvertently murdered by my as well._

_P.P.S. It's a terrible cycle really. I guess I am better off dead._

_P.P.P.S. BUt I DON'T DESERve TO DieeedeeDDE (I'm just too sexy for myself)_

_P.P.P.P.S. No seriously, don't watch Toddlers in Tiaras, it'll make you burn down world renowned insttuins too._

_My guilty pleasure, my undying curse._


End file.
